What I learned on a spiritual retreat

Twenty years ago, I did the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius Loyola as a Jesuit novice. The Spiritual Exercises are a compilation of meditations, prayers, and contemplative practices developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola to help people deepen their relationship with God. This past February, I decided to do a weekend retreat and return to The Jesuit Center at Wernersville, PA. The following is a description of what I learned on the retreat:

1. You cannot rush God.

God operates on his own time. For months I was excited and anxious to go on retreat. I had so many expectations. Yet, when I arrived I was overwhelmed with the work I had to do. I was tired and this feeling of getting on with it, getting over with it slowly grew into impatience.

Things were not going the way I planned and I grew frustrated with God. I wanted to control when, where and what would happen. Most of my prayer times were dry and distracted. No new and exciting revelations. It was during an Examen late on Saturday evening that God revealed that I was being selfish. I was being pushy and wanted things to happen on my time. Quickly I realized what was happening and felt remorse for my impatience. I wanted to rush God into doing things I wanted to.

2. God is full of surprises. 

Yes, God is full of surprises and full of gifts. These gifts are referred to as graces, blessings bestowed upon us. It had been 20 years since I did the Spiritual Exercises (EE) and I felt a yearning, a longing for quiet time with God. Being alone with God was necessary and my wish to return to the place where I had completed the EE was finally happening.

3. Listen. God talks even in silence. 

I walked, explored, and forced myself to listen. There were so many distractions but there were few moments of silence. I slept a lot and there were true moments of connection, bonding, communion between God and I. The stillness and quiet of the Jesuit Center provided me what I needed.

4. It is ok to be tired. 

I am constantly moving. My brain and body need movement. Movement is life. However, the soul needs stillness so that God can move.  Being in constant movement is not healthy. The body, mind and soul need stillness. During the retreat I experienced a struggle between movement and stillness. The friction between these two was exhausting and I grew even more tired. Realizing that you only have so much energy and need to rest is important. The weekend retreat helped me to see the importance of my energy, my tiredness, and how I can only do but so much.

5. Prayer is a gift. 

Prayer is … probably one of the most difficult things to explain. It is automatic or non-voluntary like breathing. Then, it can be imaginative and free flowing like clouds on a windy day. Prayer can be difficult like driving in a blizzard of snow. It can be fun, exciting and fulfilling like a beautiful Spring day where one can smell the flowers and you can feel the warm sun on your face.

Prayer is like the weather: you can prepare for it and wear the appropriate clothing for it but it can change at any time. When you think it will rain, the clouds can part at any time and surprise you with sunshine.

Prayer is a gift.

6. God gives you what you need in a retreat for that retreat.

It may not be the same when you are home or at work. God’s graces vary from time to setting and location. Trust that what occurs at the retreat happens for you.

7. There will be distractions to keep you from getting close and deeper with God. 

Keep at it. Stay focused and let God lead you. He brought you this far, he will take you where you need to go.

8. Trust yourself and stay with what works.

St. Ignatius provides many guidelines for the EE. Yet, he says that wherever you find God stay there. Sometimes God finds you just when you least expect it.

9. Appreciate your surroundings.

They are there to help you get closer to God.

10. Document as much as you can.

When you attend a special event you want to remember, you take out your phone and take pictures and video too. It’s almost automatic that you wish to document, capture the moment. People of faith on retreat do the same. I took pictures of things that brought me closer to God. When I am distant or need to remember, I go back to these pictures, words, or memories to connect with God again. To remember our time together.

Finally, I am grateful.

This year I turned 50 years old. While it is a milestone for many, to me it was a blessing. Spending a weekend on retreat fulfilled a deep desire I had for many years. My wife, family and work was put on hold for three days and I am grateful to them for their support and prayers.

I am also grateful for my spiritual director Claudio Burgaleta, SJ. who led me during the retreat. Although he could not be there physically, we were able to meet via FacetTme every morning. His guidance, suggestions, and accompaniment helped move me from a place of comfort to a place where I could grow.

When you become aware there is growth and when there is growth there is freedom.
Amen.